Things that are a complete waste of time

Friday, February 10, 2012 - 05:19

You’ve heard one of the definitions of insanity: to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. For that reason and the fact time is a precious commodity, I’ve come up with a list of thoughts and deeds that I believe are a complete waste of time.

It is a waste of time to…

Tell someone to say hello to another person for you. They might mention that they saw you, but will they really say “hello” to that person? When someone has asked you to say “hello” to someone for them, have you done it?

Complain about taxes, specifically high property taxes. The influence of powers that be and the votes of those who rent and pay no property tax will forever trump those of us who pay big time—and  will ensure there is never a local sales tax that spreads the tax burden around more fairly.

Channel surf to avoid advertisements. The networks, even the independently-owned cable networks, all take their ad breaks at the same time. All you end up doing is trading one set of advertisements for another. To avoid TV ads, take a bathroom or kitchen break, or even a better idea, don’t watch TV.

Try to get a deal on a car at the dealership. This is tantamount to beating the odds in Las Vegas. It’s totally rigged before you walk in the door. Their different costs and fees are riddles wrapped inside mysteries stuffed inside enigmas. The best you can hope for is to walk out of the door still owning your dog.

Expect people won’t tailgate or drive like maniacs on the Glenn Highway. The DNA of these drivers is programmed to drive erratically, no matter what the road conditions. Move way over to the right and let them rush to their accidents.

Complain about the following things, because they will never get better: Air travel, the price of movie theatre tickets, the price of food, gasoline or medical care; local radio ads about Jumbo-Herking Prawns; Donald Trump’s hair; winter weather; junk e-mails; chain letters; endless Facebook Friend requests; and political correctness in the extreme. We just have to live with it.

Drive anywhere near the Dimond Shopping Center at rush hour. I believe this area is more congested than shopping centers in Houston and Seattle, or even Bejing.

Keep a driveway cleared down to asphalt in the winter, especially a winter like we’re having, is as useful as trying to figure out what Kim Kardashian’s talent is. If someone does know, e-mail me at: [email protected]  Curiosity got the best of me on that one.

Try and open the cellophane on the outside of Cup of Soup containers with your fingers. It just won’t work, unless you have sharpened your fingernails. I just go straight for the knife.

Cut the hard, clear plastic that is molded around a lot of new tools and kitchen utensils that are purchased at Sam’s Club or Costco. It’s also dangerous. Once cut, the plastic is sharp and will cut you!  I’ve considered using C4 plastic explosives.

Believe National Weather Service forecasts. With satellites and radar they’re good, but perched on the edge of the wild and wooly Gulf of Alaska the way we are, they aren’t that good. I save myself a lot of frustration by believing them only about one-third of the time. Figuring out which “third” is the challenge.

Think that my wife will ever get tired of the House Hunters program on HGTV network.

Assume that members of U.S. Congress will ever compromise on legislation or anything else that is important to our nation.

Try to find a dish at Anchorage’s new Olive Garden restaurant that features olives; such as an olive casserole, olive soufflé, olive soup, etc.


Frank E. Baker is a freelance writer who lives in Eagle River.

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